Clean Jokes

People Jokes

Enjoy our collection of people jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

Feeling Sick Joke

Posted in Church Jokes, Cute Jokes

Little Bob went with his mom to church every Sunday. One morning in the middle of the service Bob complained that he was feeling a bit queasy and was afraid he was going to puke. “No problem dear,” whispered his Mom in his ear, “just head on over to the bathroom on the other side of the Church, and take care of it there.” Thirty seconds later Bob came back. “Did you go to the bathroom?” question his Mom. “No need” responded Bob. “Right outside the door was a big box with a sign next to it ‘for the sick’, so I just did it in there!”

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Funny Joke About A Grandma Getting In Trouble

Posted in Cute Jokes, Death Jokes

Bobby was sitting on the porch talking to his Grandpa when he innocently asked, “Grandpa, do you know how to make animal sounds?”

“I sure do” Grandpa replied. “What sort of animal sound would you like to hear?”

“How about a toad? Do you know how to sound like a toad?”

“Sure”, said Grandpa, cupping his hand to his mouth, “croaaak croaaak, how did you like that?!”

“Yipee!” screamed Bobby jumping up and down, “We are going to Miami!”

“Huh?” Questioned Grandpa. “Why’s that?”

“Because Grandma said so,” Bobby patiently explained, “she said that after you croak we’ll all go to Miami!”

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Fatty Joke

Posted in Funny Stories, Husband Wife Jokes, Life Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Women Jokes

There were no two ways about it.  Rosie was fat.  Very fat.  “Martha”, said Rosie to her best friend, “it was terrible what happened yesterday after the birthday party. You know how half of the birthday cake was left over? Well, I knew Bob would be fuming at me for eating it,with my diet and all, but I couldn’t help myself, it started with just a small nibble and before I knew it the whole cake was gone!.”

“Oh my!” clucked Martha, “was Bob really upset?”

“He never found it”, responded Rosie with a full double chin smile, “I just baked another cake and ate half of it!”

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Toilet Brush Joke

Posted in Clever Jokes, Funny Stories, Life Jokes, Women Jokes

Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. “Lizzy!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?”

After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.

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High Fever Joke

Posted in Cute Jokes, Doctor Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Medical Jokes

My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor.

After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said, “so what would you say is bothering  you the most?”

Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered, “Billy, he always breaks my toys!”

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Movie Joke

Posted in Women Jokes

As the movie progressed I was getting more and more annoyed, WILL THEY EVER BE QUIET? I silently fumed. Finally after close to a half hour into the movie I tapped the blabbermouth  in front of me on the shoulder and politely said, “excuse me Ma’am but I can’t hear.”  “YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO!” she exclaimed, “THIS IS A CONFIDENTIAL DISCUSSION!”

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Blonde Bar Joke

Posted in Blonde Jokes

“Hey guys who wants to hear a blonde joke?” Said a blind old man after settling himself down on a stool in the bar. The question was met with dead silent After a few second pause, the bartender walked up to the blind fella and put his face right up to his nose and said in a deep menacing voice. “I’m blond and I don’t appreciate blonde jokes! My wife is right next to me, she’s blonde and she doesn’t either appreciate blonde jokes. And best of all, on your right is a blond bodybuilder who I’m pretty sure doesn’t like blonde jokes either! Would you still like to say that joke?”

“HELL NO!” Said the blind fella, “NOT IF I’M GOING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE DARN JOKE THAT MANY TIMES!

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Leftovers Joke

Posted in Food Jokes, Funny Stories, People Jokes

“Oh no! not leftovers again!” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper.

“Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we start eating I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal!”

“Thank you Lord for this delicious supper”, muttered my sister submissively “….again!”

 

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Birth Control Joke

Posted in Funny Stories, Life Jokes, People Jokes

“Alright! I’ll drive them to the field trip tomorrow!” Sighed my neighbor resignedly. Sure enough the next day found her with a van full of  7 to 10 year olds.

Clearly distracted, my neighbor  cruised right through a stop sign, “Don’t you know how to stop?” Screamed the exasperated crossing guard, running towards the car.

My neighbor stopped her car, looked the crossing guard straight in the eye and said clearly upset, “what makes you think they are all mine?!”

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Too Much Talking Joke

Posted in Women Jokes

Despite coming home too often disappointed, my son Adam had the habit of constantly going on blind dates.

“So how was it?” I asked, as he walked into the door a measly two hours after he had optimistically left.

“Well, lets put it this way” was his glib response, “she has the gift of speech, but unfortunately  without the gift of conversation!”

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