Clean Jokes

Rest Stop Joke

Posted in Funny Stories

I was coming back from visiting my son in my Miami and I stopped at a rest stop to use the bathroom. I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine, “Hey! How’s it going?” Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing to the people next to me in the stall, I nevertheless answered him, “I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.”

“What are you doing?” Asked the same voice. To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered, “I’m releaving myself.”

Then I heard the same voice again, “I’m going to have to call you back, some smart-aleck is answering all of my questions.”
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Household Chores Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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Women talks about her love for household chores.

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Lawyer Trying To Prove His Clients Innocence Backfires

Posted in Clever Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big fight he was accused of murdering her and disposing of the body. When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife and things were looking quite dim for the accused the man’s lawyer got up to the stand.

“Ladies and Gentleman of the jury I have something quite exciting to tell you, if you would all please direct your attention towards the door behind me on my left you will see the supposedly dead women walk in on her own two feet.”

There was a loud murmuring in the courtroom as all eyes turned towards the door. “Ladies and Gentleman” said the lawyer after a few seconds of anxious waiting, “To be honest with you, Nobody is going to be walking through the door, however from the fact that your eyes all turned towards the door it is quite obvious that you are not sure beyond the shadow of a doubt about my client’s guilt.”

To the lawyer’s great surprise, the jury decided that the man was guilty.

“But how could you say that he is guilty?  Didn’t I prove it to you?” Questioned the lawyer.

“It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was person who didn’t.”

“Whose that?” Questioned the indignant lawyer.

“Your client.” Came the reply.

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High Five Video

Posted in Funny Videos

Man tries to cheer up New York

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Man Questions God Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

STUPID1
Man questions God about women.

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Good News Bad News Joke

Posted in Medical Jokes, Surgery Jokes

Bob was  in a terrible motorcycle accident and his legs weren’t in great shape, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of therapy, it soon became clear to the Doctor that they were just pushing off the inevitable. Due however, to Bob’s frail condition, the Doctor was afraid to give him the bad news.  Instead, he gave the sorry job to Bob’s wife of 40 years, hoping that she  would know how to break the bad news to him ever so slowly and gently.

“Honey”, said Bob’s wife Eva the next morning, “I’ve got good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?”

Bob, always in a morbid state, responded in his usual grumpy voice, “what do I care? Just give me the bad news!”

“Well dear,” said Eva cupping Bob’s hand with her two hands, “I hate to have to tell you this, but it seems like your legs are going to have to be taken off.”

Bob, barely able to hold his voice from cracking croaked out,  “Eva, what’s the good news?”

“The good news” said Eva happily, “is that that the gardener that was in here just before, said he may be interested in buying your slippers from you!”

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Good News And Bad News Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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Wife tries to slowly break the bad news to her husband.

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Writing A Will Joke

Posted in Death Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write  a will.  The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and as three minutes later the man walks off in a huff.  “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me:  ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’  “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake!”

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Cute Cartoon About A Corny Doctor

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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A patient frantically runs to the doctor complaining that there is an invisible man in the waiting room.

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Incorrectly Joke

Posted in One Liners

The only time incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

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