Clean Jokes

Salad Dressing Joke

Posted in Food Jokes, Funny Stories

“You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!”

“Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad with Russian dressing.”

“RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY?

“Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.”

And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.

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Speed Bump Joke

Posted in Funny Puns

I have a fear of speed bumps,

But I’m slowly getting over it.

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Son Caught Stealing Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

teacher1

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In Honor Of My Mom!

Posted in Funny Videos

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The Drunkard Joke

Posted in Drunk Jokes

John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, he spotted the town drunk walking down the street looking like he was up to no good.

“Hey!” Said John, rolling down his window. “Your not heading for any trouble, are you?”

“No sir!” Responded the drunkard with a big smile, “I’m heading to a lecture!”

A lecture?! thought the cop incredulously at 1 am!? this I gotta see!

After following him for a few blocks John was surprised to see him going into his house.

“Hey!” John screamed  out his window. “I thought you were heading to a lecture?!”

The drunkard just held his index finger and headed inside.

Sure enough within a minute John heard the lecture loud and clear through the upstairs window, “JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING OUT ALL THIS TIME YOU NASTY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING…”

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Funeral Parlor Joke

Posted in Funeral Jokes

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, “Thank you. Please come again.”

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Goofing Off Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

goofing off1

Boss accuses worker of goofing off.

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Winter Joke

Posted in Weather Jokes

A snowman couple were celebrating their sons birthday. The Mother brought in a carrot cake made up beautifully with white and blue icing. The son cut himself a real big piece and took a big bite promptly spitting it out and screaming “Mom this is disgusting it tastes like boogers!”

“Well what do you expect?” Questioned the Snow Mother.  “You asked for carrot cake!”

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Funny Mute Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

speak1

What’s wrong with this question?

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Driving Joke

Posted in Funny Stories, Husband Jokes

The one thing that drove me absolutely crazy about my boyfriend Bill was the way he  drove. He would insist on driving in the dead center of a two way intersection, and no matter how much I complained, sulked, and threatened, nothing made a dent.  The only consolation I found was the thought that at least the cars coming towards us, were staying in their lane.  Sure enough, I soon resigned myself to my fate, but I would still cringe all too often while on the road.

Well, the day finally came when I was to meet Bill’s family. We headed to the small hick town that he was from in Pennsylvania, and had a grand ol’ time with his folks. It was when we went out for a drive in the old family pick up that I learned that things could get quite a bit worse. “Don’t worry about my husband’s driving in the center of the road,” said Bill’s mom with a big friendly smile, as we headed onto a two way intersection.  “THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE DOES AROUND HERE!!”

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