Clean Jokes

Writer Joke

Posted in Life Jokes

Bill loved to write. He wrote articles, compositions, poems, anything he could think of he wrote. Although he tried desperately to have his hard work published he was never able to find anyone interested.  It was after a year of not seeing one of his friends that he bumped into him at a supermarket.

“Harry am I glad to see you! Do you know that my readership doubled since I last say you!?”

“Congratulations!” Said Harry barely glancing up from the meat he was examining, “nobody told me that you got married!”

GD Star Rating

Restaurant Special Joke

Posted in Food Jokes, Long Jokes

John was starving!! He was stuck in a small hick town, lost and hungry. He was happy when he saw a small restaurant coming up on his right. John quickly pulled over, parked his car, and walked inside.

John noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.”

“I’ll take the special”, said John to the waiter when he came to take his order.

A few minutes after receiving his order John called over the waiter, he was fuming mad. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!?  And it says fried chicken, AND THE CHICKEN ISN’T FRIED!?

The waiter was not used to city folks and their attitudes and frankly he was not going to put up with this behavior. “My dear man,” said the waiter looking down at John over his glasses, “that is what makes it so special!!!”

GD Star Rating

Inheritance Joke

Posted in Death Jokes

Brian walked into work and saw his coworker looking particularly sour. “Hey what’s wrong buddy?” His friend looked up with a forlorn expression on his face. “You remember last month how my Grandmother’s sister passed on and left me $2,000?”

“Yes,” said Brian nodding his head.

“And you remember how the month before that her brother passed on and left me $5000?

“Uh huh” said Brian again.

“Well this month is almost over,” said the coworker with a wave of his hand “and………………..NOTHING!”

GD Star Rating

Tie Joke

Posted in Funeral Jokes, Funny Stories, Life Jokes, Work Jokes

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. “OH NO!” I thought. “MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn’t there to help me, and for the life of me I did not know how to tie a tie!

I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. “Excuse me sir,” I said to the crossing guard, “I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!”

“Sure” said the guard, “just lie down on this bench.” Well if someone was going to help me I wasn’t going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.

“Well in my previous job I learned how to tie tie’s on other people when they were lying down. He replied.

What was your previous job? I asked incredulously.

“I ran a morg.” Was the reply.

GD Star Rating

The Thinking Blonde

Posted in Blonde Jokes

A blonde and brunette are sitting next to each other on a plane. After a few minutes the blonde looks up from the book she’s reading and asks, “who needs a “k” in beautiful?”

The brunette looks up, puzzled, at the blonde and responds, “there is no “k” in beautiful?”

After a few minutes of thinking the blonde looks back up at the brunette and asks, “why is there no “k” in beautiful?”

Exasperated the brunette responds, “WHO NEEDS A “K” IN BEAUTIFUL?!”

“Hey wait a second”, protested the blonde. LET’S GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE! “Isn’t that the question I started off with?! “who needs a “k” in beautiful?”

GD Star Rating

Friendly Politician Joke

Posted in Funny Stories, Life Jokes

As a popular local politician I always try to help out whenever I can. So that’s how it came to be that when a fellow came up to me in a hotel lobby the other day and asked me for a small favor I was more then happy to oblige.

“Hi,” said the fellow, introducing himself as Bob Smith. “I’m having a very important business meeting in a few minutes, and it’s very important that I impress them . If you can just come over during our meeting and say hello I would be forever indebted to you!”

So that’s how a few minutes later, I found myself walking over to the fellow with a big smile on my face, “Hi Bob!” I said.

“I barely got the words out of my mouth when Bob looked up with an annoyed expression, “DON’T BOTHER ME NOW CHRIS. CAN’T YOU SEE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT MEETING?!

GD Star Rating

Salad Dressing Joke

Posted in Food Jokes, Funny Stories

“You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!” “Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad vith Russian dressing.” “RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY? “Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.” And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.

GD Star Rating

Two Finger Joke

Posted in Bar Jokes, Beer Jokes

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers, “Sir can I have five beers please.”

GD Star Rating

No Body Riddle

Posted in Funny Riddles

Q: What has a face and 2 hands but no body?

A: A clock

GD Star Rating

Phone Tail Meme

Posted in Funny Memes


GD Star Rating

Favorite Joke Categories