Clean Jokes

Funeral Parlor Joke

Posted in Funeral Jokes

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, “Thank you. Please come again.”

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Goofing Off Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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Boss accuses worker of goofing off.

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Winter Joke

Posted in Weather Jokes

A snowman couple were celebrating their sons birthday. The Mother brought in a carrot cake made up beautifully with white and blue icing. The son cut himself a real big piece and took a big bite promptly spitting it out and screaming “Mom this is disgusting it tastes like boogers!”

“Well what do you expect?” Questioned the Snow Mother.  “You asked for carrot cake!”

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Funny Mute Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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What’s wrong with this question?

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Driving Joke

Posted in Funny Stories, Husband Jokes

The one thing that drove me absolutely crazy about my boyfriend Bill was the way he  drove. He would insist on driving in the dead center of a two way intersection, and no matter how much I complained, sulked, and threatened, nothing made a dent.  The only consolation I found was the thought that at least the cars coming towards us, were staying in their lane.  Sure enough, I soon resigned myself to my fate, but I would still cringe all too often while on the road.

Well, the day finally came when I was to meet Bill’s family. We headed to the small hick town that he was from in Pennsylvania, and had a grand ol’ time with his folks. It was when we went out for a drive in the old family pick up that I learned that things could get quite a bit worse. “Don’t worry about my husband’s driving in the center of the road,” said Bill’s mom with a big friendly smile, as we headed onto a two way intersection.  “THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE DOES AROUND HERE!!”

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Diet Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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Lady will stick to her diet no matter what!

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Beach Joke

Posted in Cute Jokes, Funny Stories

I live in Montreal, and for that reason my children have never been to a beach before. On our first family trip down South we decided one of the first things we were going to do was head to a beach.

As soon as we saw the sand my kids went running off excitedly looking for seashells. “Mom!” screamed my five year old, running towards me with his hands full. “I found hundreds of them right next to each other!”

With that he excitedly opened up his little hands revealing a handful of shells,

not sea shells,

but pistachio nut shells!

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Wife Is The Boss Joke

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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Husband talks about who wears the pants in his house.

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Cute Rabbit Joke

Posted in Funny Stories

I was in a pet store picking up some pet food for my dog when I overheard the following conversation. A cute girl peaks over the counter and politely asks the sales representative. “I’m interested in buying a rabbit.” “Oh sure we’ve got lots of rabbits” gushed the motherly sales  representative. “Do you have any specific color in mind? We’ve got some adorable white Bunnies down this isle.” The lady exclaimed.

“Oh” said the cute girl with a wave of her hand, “I really don’t think my boa constrictor would care about what color it is!”

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Phone Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

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Kid loses phone and thinks of new invention.

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