Clothing Store Joke

Posted in Funny Stories, Life Jokes, Women Jokes

Rosanne a beautiful young foreigner walked into a small clothing store in the mall with her english speaking fiance.

“Excuse me,” said her fiance with just a touch of an accent, “would it be ok with you if my Fiancee tried on the dress in the window?”

“Listen” said the owner after just a brief pause, “business has been slow here for a while now, if you’re fine with her changing in the window, let her go on ahead, maybe it will bring in a few customers.”

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Halloween Scary Joke

Posted in Cheesy Jokes, Halloween Jokes

18 year old, Dan was walking home from a Halloween party at his friends house, when he heard a thumping noise behind him. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP.  When Dan turned around he saw it was a coffin behind him.

Dan started walking quicker but the THUMPS were still right behind him. Soon Dan was running, the coffin started running to.

Now Dan was running faster than he had ever ran in his life but the coffin was still right behind him!

“HELP!” Dan screamed! He ran into his house and tried to slam the door but the coffin caught the door and started following him up the steps THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, Dan ran into the bathroom and grabbed the first thing he saw, cough drops, and threw them at the coffin….and of course the coffin’ stopped.


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Marriage Fight Joke

Posted in Husband Wife Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Wife Jokes

Mary and Dave got along pretty well. But there was one thing that drove Mary absolutely crazy, and that was no matter how many times she told Dave how important it was to her that he come on time for dinner, he never did.

It was after one such spat that he got down on his knees and said “Mary, I promise I am turning over a new leaf.  From now on I will be on time for dinner!”

Well, the next day, promptly at 5 o’clock, Dave locked up his shop and headed out the door to his car. When suddenly out of nowhere a car pulled up next to his parked car and hit Dave.  Dave was rushed to the hospital.  Luckily they let him out after 3 hours and he walked in the door to his house at 8 o’clock.

Mary was livid! “Wait I can explain” pleaded Dave, “I got run over by a car!”


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How to burn 800 Calories in a half hour

Posted in Funny Memes, Funny Pictures, Life Jokes, Women Jokes

How to burn 800 Calories in a half hour

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The Drunkard Prayer Joke

Posted in Drunk Jokes

Jim the town drunkard was at his wit’s end, he had no money to buy even the barest necessities for his family. It was right before going to sleep one night that Jim prayed the following emotional prayer:

“Dear Lord, please, all I’m asking for is some food to put on the table, NOTHING else! The booze I’ll buy myself.”

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Writer Joke

Posted in Life Jokes

Bill loved to write. He wrote articles, compositions, poems, anything he could think of he wrote. Although he tried desperately to have his hard work published he was never able to find anyone interested.  It was after a year of not seeing one of his friends that he bumped into him at a supermarket.

“Harry am I glad to see you! Do you know that my readership doubled since I last say you!?”

“Congratulations!” Said Harry barely glancing up from the meat he was examining, “nobody told me that you got married!”

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Restaurant Special Joke

Posted in Food Jokes, Long Jokes

John was starving!! He was stuck in a small hick town, lost and hungry. He was happy when he saw a small restaurant coming up on his right. John quickly pulled over, parked his car, and walked inside.

John noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.”

“I’ll take the special”, said John to the waiter when he came to take his order.

A few minutes after receiving his order John called over the waiter, he was fuming mad. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!?  And it says fried chicken, AND THE CHICKEN ISN’T FRIED!?

The waiter was not used to city folks and their attitudes and frankly he was not going to put up with this behavior. “My dear man,” said the waiter looking down at John over his glasses, “that is what makes it so special!!!”

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Inheritance Joke

Posted in Death Jokes

Brian walked into work and saw his coworker looking particularly sour. “Hey what’s wrong buddy?” His friend looked up with a forlorn expression on his face. “You remember last month how my Grandmother’s sister passed on and left me $2,000?”

“Yes,” said Brian nodding his head.

“And you remember how the month before that her brother passed on and left me $5000?

“Uh huh” said Brian again.

“Well this month is almost over,” said the coworker with a wave of his hand “and………………..NOTHING!”

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Tie Joke

Posted in Funeral Jokes, Funny Stories, Life Jokes, Work Jokes

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. “OH NO!” I thought. “MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn’t there to help me, and for the life of me I did not know how to tie a tie!

I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. “Excuse me sir,” I said to the crossing guard, “I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!”

“Sure” said the guard, “just lie down on this bench.” Well if someone was going to help me I wasn’t going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.

“Well in my previous job I learned how to tie tie’s on other people when they were lying down. He replied.

What was your previous job? I asked incredulously.

“I ran a morg.” Was the reply.

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The Thinking Blonde

Posted in Blonde Jokes

A blonde and brunette are sitting next to each other on a plane. After a few minutes the blonde looks up from the book she’s reading and asks, “who needs a “k” in beautiful?”

The brunette looks up, puzzled, at the blonde and responds, “there is no “k” in beautiful?”

After a few minutes of thinking the blonde looks back up at the brunette and asks, “why is there no “k” in beautiful?”

Exasperated the brunette responds, “WHO NEEDS A “K” IN BEAUTIFUL?!”

“Hey wait a second”, protested the blonde. LET’S GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE! “Isn’t that the question I started off with?! “who needs a “k” in beautiful?”

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