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Clean Jokes

The Internet What’s that?

Posted in Old People Jokes

“C’mon Ma you have got to try it” I pleaded to my elderly Mother. I don’t know how my Mother lasted this long without ever using the internet, but enough was enough! I thought.

“Ok” she said reluctantly settling down by the computer and slowly putting on her reading glasses “what do I do now?”

“Now I’m going to open the home page of google”, I explained. “OK here it is! Now type in ANY question you want into the bar over here and you will find an answer to your question.” I confidently assured her.

My Mother looked at me warily, thought for a second, and slowly began to type,

How is Gertrude doing this morning?

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Toilet Humor

Posted in Doctor Jokes, Nurse Jokes

A lady came in for a routine physical at the Doctor’s office . “Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over there on your right. The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.”

A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face.

“Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!”

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Blonde Bar Joke

Posted in Blonde Jokes

“Hey guys who wants to hear a blonde joke?” Said a blind old man after settling himself down on a stool in the bar. The question was met with dead silent After a few second pause, the bartender walked up to the blind fella and put his face right up to his nose and said in a deep menacing voice. “I’m blond and I don’t appreciate blonde jokes! My wife is right next to me, she’s blonde and she doesn’t either appreciate blonde jokes. And best of all, on your right is a blond bodybuilder who I’m pretty sure doesn’t like blonde jokes either! Would you still like to say that joke?”

“HELL NO!” Said the blind fella, “NOT IF I’M GOING TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE DARN JOKE THAT MANY TIMES!

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April Fools Day Prank

Posted in Funny Videos

Best April Fools Day Prank Ever!

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Wife Shopping Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

Women And Shopping Cartoon
Man – Hey! Can I talk to you?
Women – Me?
Man – Yeah…Just for a minute.
It’s the only way to get my wife to stop shopping.
Strike up a conversation with a pretty lady.

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The Helpful Husband Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

Marriage Fight Cartoon

Wife – I’m only 40 years old but I look like I’m over 55. My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair i stating to thin!

Husband – At least your eyesight seems to still be working fine!

 

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Kiss Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

Funny Kiss Cartoon
Wife – Our neighbor Mr. Smith kisses his wife every day before he goes to work how come you never do?

Husband – Honey!? How could I? I don’t even know her!

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Divorced Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

Funny Divorce Cartoon

Man – This is a citrus grove! Do you have any experience picking lemons?!

Woman – Well…I’ve been divorced four times!

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Spelling Test Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

Spelling Bee Cartoon
Teacher – Let me hear you use the word t-o-a-d in a sentence.

Student – I toad my mother to get me a turtle.

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Leftovers Joke

Posted in Food Jokes, Funny Stories, People Jokes

“Oh no! not leftovers again!” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper.

“Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we start eating I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal!”

“Thank you Lord for this delicious supper”, muttered my sister submissively “….again!”

 

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