Clean Jokes

Good News Bad News Joke

Posted in Medical Jokes, Surgery Jokes

Bob was  in a terrible motorcycle accident and his legs weren’t in great shape, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of therapy, it soon became clear to the Doctor that they were just pushing off the inevitable. Due however, to Bob’s frail condition, the Doctor was afraid to give him the bad news.  Instead, he gave the sorry job to Bob’s wife of 40 years, hoping that she  would know how to break the bad news to him ever so slowly and gently.

“Honey”, said Bob’s wife Eva the next morning, “I’ve got good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?”

Bob, always in a morbid state, responded in his usual grumpy voice, “what do I care? Just give me the bad news!”

“Well dear,” said Eva cupping Bob’s hand with her two hands, “I hate to have to tell you this, but it seems like your legs are going to have to be taken off.”

Bob, barely able to hold his voice from cracking croaked out,  “Eva, what’s the good news?”

“The good news” said Eva happily, “is that that the gardener that was in here just before, said he may be interested in buying your slippers from you!”

GD Star Rating
loading...

Good News And Bad News Cartoon

Posted in Funny Cartoons

airbags1

Wife tries to slowly break the bad news to her husband.

GD Star Rating
loading...

Writing A Will Joke

Posted in Death Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write  a will.  The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and as three minutes later the man walks off in a huff.  “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me:  ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’  “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake!”

GD Star Rating
loading...
Advertisements

Cute Cartoon About A Corny Doctor

Posted in Funny Cartoons

doctor doctor1
A patient frantically runs to the doctor complaining that there is an invisible man in the waiting room.

GD Star Rating
loading...

Incorrectly Joke

Posted in One Liners

The only time incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

GD Star Rating
loading...

Shorter Riddle

Posted in Funny Riddles

Q. What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Show Answer

GD Star Rating
loading...

10 Best Funny Puns

Posted in Cheesy Jokes, Funny Puns

1. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
Runs in our jeans.
2. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor guy.
3. I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.
4. Why did the scarecrow get a raise?
He was outstanding in his field.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my Word.
7. My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.
8. What do you call a woman on the arm of a banjo player?
A tattoo.
9. I called a psychic once. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up.
10. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

GD Star Rating
loading...

Joke About Getting Older

Posted in Old People Jokes

“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down.

“Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy.

“Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded.

After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?”

“Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

GD Star Rating
loading...

Seeing Eye Dog Joke

Posted in Funny Stories, Pet Jokes

A man and his wife were going for a stroll one night when they spotted what was obviously a blind man taking a walk on the other side of the street with his seeing eye dog.

“Wow! Isn’t that something!” remarked the wife, “look at that man taking a stroll just like us.”

They continued strolling for a few minutes longer when they heard the man let out a loud yelp. The dog had walked him right into a parked car and he had clearly banged his shin pretty hard. Rushing over to help, they were surprised to see the man reach into his pocket and pull out a treat for the dog.

“Isn’t that weird?” whispered the wife, “giving him a treat even when he’s mad.”

“Why are you giving him a treat?” questioned the husband.

“I AINT GIVING HIM A TREAT!” said the enraged man, “I’M JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT WHERE HIS HEAD IS, SO I CAN GIVE HIM A SHARP KICK IN THE BEHIND!

GD Star Rating
loading...

Special Olympics Joke

Posted in Funny Cartoons

Special Olympics Joke
Man complains to his friend about not being able to find a parking spot by the special Olympics.

GD Star Rating
loading...
Advertisements

Favorite Joke Categories