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Enjoy our collection of one liners, after all that’s what they are here for!

Incorrectly Joke

The only time incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

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Posted in One Liners

World’s Best One Liners

1. Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs
2. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.
3. I intend to live forever… or die trying.
4. We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.
5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
6. A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair.
7. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
8. Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy. What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one. Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it. Have you heard the one about the guy in the wheelchair? Never mind, it’s too lame.
9. I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
10. I childproofed the house… but they still get in!

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Posted in One Liners, Short Jokes

Sleep Joke

Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer….and my alarm clock is the police.

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Rating: 3.7/5 (259 votes cast)

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Posted in One Liners, Text Jokes
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Brain Joke

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

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Rating: 3.4/5 (404 votes cast)

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Posted in One Liners, Short Jokes

Don’t Exaggerate!

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times don’t exaggerate!

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Rating: 3.0/5 (349 votes cast)

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Posted in One Liners, Short Jokes, Text Jokes

Swimming Pool Joke

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards
the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

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Rating: 4.3/5 (548 votes cast)

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Posted in One Liners, Text Jokes

Joy Of Marriage Joke

Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!

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Rating: 3.4/5 (111 votes cast)

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Posted in Marriage Jokes, One Liners, Wedding Jokes

Hypothetical Joke

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

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Rating: 3.0/5 (330 votes cast)

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Posted in One Liners, Text Jokes, Witty One Liners

Internet Quotes Joke

“The difficult thing with quotes on the internet is verifying them”
– Abraham Lincoln

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Rating: 3.8/5 (225 votes cast)

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Posted in Cute Quotes, One Liners

OCD Joke

I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

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Rating: 4.2/5 (151 votes cast)

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Posted in One Liners
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