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It’s interesting that everyone makes fun of lawyers for not being honest, when in essence that is their job. If everyone has the right to a lawyer inevitably there will be someone who doesn’t think his client is right. Apparently a paid liar also deserves a few jokes!
Please enjoy our collection of lawyer jokes.

photo credit: Dyanna

Lawyer Trying To Prove His Clients Innocence Backfires

A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big fight he was accused of murdering her and disposing of the body. When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife and things were looking quite dim for the accused the man’s lawyer got up to the stand.

“Ladies and Gentleman of the jury I have something quite exciting to tell you, if you would all please direct your attention towards the door behind me on my left you will see the supposedly dead women walk in on her own two feet.”

There was a loud murmuring in the courtroom as all eyes turned towards the door. “Ladies and Gentleman” said the lawyer after a few seconds of anxious waiting, “To be honest with you, Nobody is going to be walking through the door, however from the fact that your eyes all turned towards the door it is quite obvious that you are not sure beyond the shadow of a doubt about my client’s guilt.”

To the lawyer’s great surprise, the jury decided that the man was guilty.

“But how could you say that he is guilty?  Didn’t I prove it to you?” Questioned the lawyer.

“It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was person who didn’t.”

“Whose that?” Questioned the indignant lawyer.

“Your client.” Came the reply.

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Posted in Clever Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

Writing A Will Joke

A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write  a will.  The secretary watches as the man walks into the Lawyer’s office and as three minutes later the man walks off in a huff.  “Can I help you?” asks the secretary, dashing after the obviously upset man. “HELP ME? THIS GUY IS CRAZY! I asked him to help me write a will and he says to me:  ‘sure, let me just ask you a few questions and then leave it all to me.’  “I’ve heard before how lawyers are dishonest but this just takes the cake!”

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Posted in Death Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

Burglar Joke

Max was caught red handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was quickly brought to trial.
“How do you plead? asked the judge.
“Your honor,” answered Max, “before I plead guilty or not guilty I ask that the court kindly appoint a lawyer to defend me.”
“Max you were caught in the actual commission of a crime. What could any lawyer possibly say in your defense?”
That’s exactly my point, your honor,” said Max. “I’m curious also to hear what he could possibly say!”

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Posted in Lawyer Jokes
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Funny Video About Sneeky Lawyer

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Posted in Funny Videos, Jewish Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

How A Lawyer Bills Joke

A doctor and a lawyer were both at a reception. The lawyer noticed that people were constantly coming over to the doctor. “Why are so many people coming over to you?” asked the lawyer. “It’s terrible,” sighed the doctor, “ever since I became a doctor I don’t have a moments peace, people are constantly coming over to me for medical advice.” “I’ll tell you what I do,” said the lawyer with a sneer , “I send them a bill in the mail.” The doctor agreed with the lawyer that this was a good solution. The next day upon mailing the bills he was surprised to see a letter from the lawyer, he was even more surprised when he opened it………….it was a bill!

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Posted in Lawyer Jokes

An Honest What?

A little boy was in a cemetery with his mother “Mommy” the boy asked , “do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”

“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”

“The tombstone back there said, Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.”

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Posted in Lawyer Jokes

Lawyers Daughter Joke

Q. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A. Sue.

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Posted in Corny Jokes, Good Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Quote

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

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The Honest Lawyer?

The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest. “I know I am going to die” he said ” and I would like to take my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.”

It was a few days after the funeral when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back. “I’m glad you brought it up” said the doctor, “because I have also been feeling guilty, I only put $80,000 back.”

“You people should be ashamed of yourselves” stormed the lawyer “stealing money like that, am I the only honest person here? Here look at this” he said pulling out his check book, “look I wrote out a check for the full $150,000!”

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Posted in Clever Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Long Jokes

The Appeal

It was a Tuesday when the judge passed a verdict against a certain lawyers client. On Wednesday the lawyer rushed into the judges chambers. ” Your honor I just found out new information and I would like to file an appeal.” “What did you find out?”, asked the judge. After a few moments of silence the lawyer responded “well I found out my client has another $5000 dollars.

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