Man – Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman – Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man – Can I buy you a drink?
Woman – I think I’d rather have the money!
Man – Will you go out with me this Saturday?
Woman – Sorry, I’m having a headache this weekend.
Man – Is this seat empty?
Woman – Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man – So what do you do for a living?
Woman – I’m a female impersonator.
Man – “So do you want to go out maybe?”
Women – “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”
PUPIL – “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
TEACHER – “Of course not.”
PUPIL – “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
An employee approached his boss regarding a dispute on his pay-check…
Employee – Sir, this is $100 less than my salary.
Boss – I know. But last month, when you were overpaid $100, by mistake, you didn’t complain!
Employee – Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake, sir, but it seems to be becoming a habit, now!
Wife – You hate my relatives!
Husband – No, I don’t! In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine.
Person#1: Why do you smell funny?
Person#2: It’s called Soap – didn’t think you would have smelt it before.
Man- Do you want to dance?
Man- Sorry, I think you misheard me…I said, You Look fat in those pants.