18 year old, Dan was walking home from a Halloween party at his friends house, when he heard a thumping noise behind him. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP. When Dan turned around he saw it was a coffin behind him.
Dan started walking quicker but the THUMPS were still right behind him. Soon Dan was running, the coffin started running to.
Now Dan was running faster than he had ever ran in his life but the coffin was still right behind him!
“HELP!” Dan screamed! He ran into his house and tried to slam the door but the coffin caught the door and started following him up the steps THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, Dan ran into the bathroom and grabbed the first thing he saw, cough drops, and threw them at the coffin….and of course the coffin’ stopped.
Do you know that Jesus is the real reason for Christmas?
Not to be mean. But he is.
For this year I’m requesting, a fat bank account, and a small body.
P.S. This year, please don’t mix them up, like you did last year!
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. “Are you crazy,” hollered the coach, “we don’t give tryouts to turkeys.” Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. “That was amazing”, exclaimed the coach “I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?” “Don’t worry about money,” said the turkey, “let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?!”
Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed!
There are three stages of man – He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Q.Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
A.Because they use such FOWL language!
Q. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A. You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.