Sister Marry was truly a religious woman. Besides for her duties as a nun, she was also very active in various hospitals visiting sick patients and taking care of all their needs.
So it was no surprise that one day when she ran out of gas, the only container she could find to put the gas into was a bedpan. Sister Mary happily walked two blocks to the closest gas station filled up the bedpan with gas and headed back to her car.
Luck would have it that as Sister Mary started tipping the gas into the fuel tank, the traffic light turned red and she had quite a large audience witnessing the spectacle.
Just when she finished pouring in the last drops of gas a fellow opened up his window and hollered, “I swear! If that car starts I’m becoming a religious man!”
Little Bob went with his mom to church every Sunday. One morning in the middle of the service Bob complained that he was feeling a bit queasy and was afraid he was going to puke. “No problem dear,” whispered his Mom in his ear, “just head on over to the bathroom on the other side of the Church, and take care of it there.” Thirty seconds later Bob came back. “Did you go to the bathroom?” question his Mom. “No need” responded Bob. “Right outside the door was a big box with a sign next to it ‘for the sick’, so I just did it in there!”
Existence was so tranquil and peaceful for the young couple Adam and Eve, like straight out of a story book, until one unfortunate day when Adam showed up one hour late for supper.
By the time Adam finally came home Eve was a nervous wreck, and her imagination was working overtime.
“Honey, what happened? Why are you home so late?” Questioned Eve. “Oh I’m sorry! Adam responded with a wave of his hand, “I just lost track of the time.”
Now Eve didn’t have a Mother or girlfriend around to calm her fears, after all it was just her and her Husband and despite Adam’s convincing act her overactive imagination could not be calmed.
That night after two hours of restlessly turning in her bed, enough was enough.
“WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING!” Hollered Adam jumping out of bed.
“YOU KNOW DARN WELL WHAT I’M DOING” Screamed Eve right back, “NOW YOU BETTER LAY STILL RIGHT NOW, AND LET ME FINISH COUNTING THOSE RIBS!
Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “don’t you know? that’s what recorders are for.” Harry’s face lit up “you mean I could record your sermon?”
A man, late for an important meeting, was searching desperately for a parking spot in a crowded lot. Looking up to the sky he entreated “Lord if you find me a parking spot, I promise to start going to church again.” The words were barely out of his mouth, when a spot opened up right in front of his car. The man looked back up, “never mind I found one.”
After recess the first grade teacher announced “I am going to go around the room and ask you what you did during recess, if you can write what you did on the board you’ll get a lollipop.” The first girl asked was Jessica “Jessica what did you do during recess?” “I played in the sand box.” “OK” the teacher said “let me see you write the word ‘box’ on the board.” She did and got a lollipop.
Next was Tom “I played with Jessica in the sand box.” “OK, let me see you write the word ‘sand’ on the board.” He did and got a lollipop.
The next one was Billy Goldberg “Well”, Billy said, “I tried to play in the sand box, but Jessica and Tom threw rocks at me.” “What?” The Teacher said “they threw rocks at you that sounds like outright anti semitism to me. If you can write ‘outright antisemitism’ on the board you’ll get a lollipop!”
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The ten commandments are not multiple choice. G-D
In the year 2000 Joe Lieberman ran for president, being that he was the first potential Jew in high office he was given a lot of attention. After a disappointing loss Joe walked into his house. “Don’t worry” said his wife “in this house you’ll always be vice president!”