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Religious Humor

Enjoy our collection of religious humor, after all that’s what they are here for!

Adam and Eve Joke

Posted in Funny Speech Openers, Marriage Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Religious Jokes

Existence was so tranquil and peaceful for the young couple Adam and Eve, like straight out of a story book, until one unfortunate day when Adam showed up one hour late for supper.

By the time Adam finally came home Eve was a nervous wreck, and her imagination was working overtime.

“Honey, what happened? Why are you home so late?” Questioned Eve. “Oh I’m sorry! Adam responded with a wave of his hand, “I just lost track of the time.”

Now Eve didn’t have a Mother or girlfriend around to calm her fears, after all it was just her and her Husband and despite Adam’s convincing act  her overactive imagination could not be calmed.

That night after two hours of restlessly turning in her bed, enough was enough.

“WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING!” Hollered Adam jumping out of bed.

“YOU KNOW DARN WELL WHAT I’M DOING” Screamed Eve right back, “NOW YOU BETTER LAY STILL RIGHT NOW, AND LET ME FINISH COUNTING THOSE RIBS!

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Absent From Church Joke

Posted in Church Jokes, Sports Jokes

Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “don’t you know? that’s what recorders are for.” Harry’s face lit up “you mean I could record your sermon?”

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God Joke

Posted in Religious Jokes

A man, late for an important meeting, was searching desperately for a parking spot in a crowded lot. Looking up to the sky he entreated “Lord if you find me a parking spot, I promise to start going to church again.” The words were barely out of his mouth, when a spot opened up right in front of his car. The man looked back up, “never mind I found one.”

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Funny Video About Sneeky Lawyer

Posted in Funny Videos, Jewish Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

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Anti-Semitism Joke

Posted in Jewish Jokes, Long Jokes

After recess the first grade teacher announced “I am going to go around the room and ask you what you did during recess, if you can write what you did on the board you’ll get a lollipop.” The first girl asked was Jessica “Jessica what did you do during recess?” “I played in the sand box.” “OK” the teacher said “let me see you write the word ‘box’ on the board.” She did and got a lollipop.

Next was Tom “I played with Jessica in the sand box.” “OK, let me see you write the word ‘sand’ on the board.” He did and got a lollipop.

The next one was Billy Goldberg “Well”, Billy said, “I tried to play in the sand box, but Jessica and Tom threw rocks at me.” “What?” The Teacher said “they threw rocks at you that sounds like outright anti semitism to me. If you can write ‘outright antisemitism’ on the board you’ll get a lollipop!”

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Atheism Quote

Posted in Atheist Jokes, Cute Quotes

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

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Submitted By GOD

Posted in Religious Jokes

The ten commandments are not multiple choice. G-D

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Vice President Joke

Posted in Funny Speech Openers, Funny Stories, Jewish Jokes

In the year 2000 Joe Lieberman ran for president, being that he was the first potential Jew in high office he was given a lot of attention. After a disappointing loss Joe walked into his house. “Don’t worry” said his wife “in this house you’ll always be vice president!”

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Lord Or No Lord?

Posted in Atheist Jokes, Long Jokes

A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, “Praise the lord.” This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, “there is no Lord.” One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch. The next morning the lady screamed, “praise the Lord, who gave me this food.” The neighbor laughing so hard he could barely get the words out screamed “it wasn’t the Lord, it was me.” The lady without missing a beat screamed “praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!

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The Atheist Knock Knock

Posted in Atheist Jokes, Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
God.
Who?
God.
Who?
God.
Must be the wind.

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