John was starving!! He was stuck in a small hick town, lost and hungry. He was happy when he saw a small restaurant coming up on his right. John quickly pulled over, parked his car, and walked inside.
John noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.”
“I’ll take the special”, said John to the waiter when he came to take his order.
A few minutes after receiving his order John called over the waiter, he was fuming mad. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!? And it says fried chicken, AND THE CHICKEN ISN’T FRIED!?
The waiter was not used to city folks and their attitudes and frankly he was not going to put up with this behavior. “My dear man,” said the waiter looking down at John over his glasses, “that is what makes it so special!!!”
“You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!” “Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad vith Russian dressing.” “RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY? “Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.” And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.
“Oh no! not leftovers again!” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper.
“Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we start eating I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal!”
“Thank you Lord for this delicious supper”, muttered my sister submissively “….again!”
Sarah, Rosemary, and Anne went to a restaurant together to celebrate old times.
“I’ll take some Tom Yum soup” said Sarah to the waiter. “Nah” said the waiter waving his hand “you probably won’t like it, it’s way too spicy! Why don’t you try the Garden Vegetable Soup? “Alright,” said Sarah. “You know better than me, after all you are the waiter!”
“And how about you Ma’am?” said the waiter turning to Rosemary. “I think I’ll take the poached fish,” said Rosemary, after carefully examining the menu. “I don’t really think you’ll like it,” said the waiter, “it’s very bland. Why don’t you try the Rib Steak with Garlic Marinade? “OK, I’ll take that instead,” said Rosemary.
“And how about you?” said the waiter turning to Anne. “I don’t know, I can’t decide,” said Anne looking up from the menu, “what do you recommend?”
“Recommend?” said the waiter with a surprised look on his face, “who has time to recommend stuff smack in the middle of dinner hour!”
A group of prosperous businessmen were dining at the Sam’s Hotel in Las Vegas.
“Seems to me you are getting a little slimmer,” remarked one.
“I should be!” replied the other. “I went on one of those high protein diets. Nothing but expensive steaks and chops. And would you believe it?-in just two weeks I lost thirty dollars!”
Sandy and Norman were in despair. Their 3 year old son Timmy still had not learned how to talk. Not a word had escaped through those now 3 year old lips. One night at dinner, Timmy took a taste of his pie, and to their utter surprise and amazement, said: “You call this pie? It tastes like some tasteless mush!”. Sandy and Norman sat there in shock, for this was not just their son’s first sentence, but the first words he ever uttered! Once the initial shock had subsided, Norman asked “tell me Timmy, how come you never spoke until now?” “I never had any reason to” explained Timmy. “Everything was always fine.”
Jim was in a bad mood, and anyone who got in is way was going to regret it. Jim walked into his favorite restaurant and plopped himself down on a chair. “Get me a steak well done with mashed potatoes. ” Three minutes later when his order came, Jim screamed “DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME SAY WELL DONE?!” “Why thank you sir” the waitress smiled, “that was the first compliment I got all day!”
The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy.
After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth.
“Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moments pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!”
Sam heard all about the great service in the “Sleep Fine Hotel”, so after dropping his stuff in his room, he excitedly headed down to the hotel lounge. He was only there for a few minutes when a beautifully dressed waitress came over to him. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked. Sam took in a deep breath, looked around at the beautiful lobby and asked “what are my choices?” The woman’s gave Sam a strange look, and responded in an extra loud and slow voice, “yeees or noooo.”
Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a yard.
One says to the other, “Funny, I smell carrots too.”