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Clean Jokes

Enjoy our collection of witty jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

Finding A Job Joke

Posted in Clever Jokes, Work Jokes

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Bob Smith was sick of his job and was determined to find work elsewhere. But no matter how hard he tried, his reputation as someone who was not dedicated to the job, seemed to follow him around.

One day the phone rang at his office. Although Bob did not usually pick up the phone, he picked it up and said hello. “Hi” said the man on the line, “I have an unusual question to ask you, I’m looking into a fellow Bob Smith for a position in my company. Do you know this fellow?”

“Sure I know him”, responded Bob with a smile.

“Tell me,” asked the man. “Is he consistent with his work? Does he always show up on time?”

“Well I’ll be honest with you” Bob truthfully replied, “I’m not so consistent myself, but whenever I’m here he’s here!”

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Money Or Your Life Joke

Posted in Clever Jokes

Two thugs walked into a Mexican bank and demanded that the teller hand over all she had. “No comprendo” (I don’t understand) was her innocent response.

Unsure of how to proceed, one of the thugs held out his gun and screamed “anyone hear speak Spanish?” Hesitantly, a young man approached. With his gun to the teller’s head, the thug had his now interpreter demand of the teller “hand over all the money you have!” “I have none” was her nervous response. “It’s all locked up!”

“Ask her where the key is!” the thug demanded the interpreter, now with his gun even closer to the teller’s head.

“It’s in the bottom right drawer!” responded the teller immediately.

“She said she will not tell you where the key is, and you can even pull the trigger on her!” Responded the greedy interpreter.

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Ten Things I know about you

Posted in Clever Jokes, Fun Stuff, Silly Jokes

1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

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Pork Joke

Posted in Clever Jokes, Food Jokes, Long Jokes

The leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. He just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day he told his members he was going on a vacation. He packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy.

After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth.

“Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moments pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!”

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Kiss Joke

Posted in Clever Jokes, Cute Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes

I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together.  Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek.  ”Are you wiping off my kiss?”, I asked her.  ”No”, she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

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Hypothetical Joke

Posted in One Liners, Text Jokes, Witty One Liners

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

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When You Grow Up Joke

Posted in Cute Quotes, Witty One Liners

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. ~Paula Poundstone

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War Joke

Posted in Witty One Liners

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

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Frisbee Joke

Posted in One Liners, Text Jokes, Witty One Liners

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

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Advice Joke

Posted in Witty One Liners

Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.

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