Blog Archives

Enjoy our collection of witty jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

The Perfect Joke

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.2/5 (208 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Cute Quotes, Text Jokes, Witty One Liners

Blind Man Joke

Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t” responded John, “don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.”

Aah that sign,” said Jim “don’t worry about it” and taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walked up to the door. As he tried walking into the restaurant he got stopped at the door, “sorry no pets allowed.” Can’t you see” said Jim “I am blind, this is my seeing eye dog.”

But it’s a doberman pincher, who uses a doberman pincher as a seeing eye dog?” the man asked “Oh,” Jim responded “you must have not heard, this is the latest type of seeing eye dog, they do a very good job.”

Seeing that it worked, John tried walking in with his Chihuahua. Even before he could open his mouth, the doorman said “don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of seeing eye dog.”

Thinking quickly John responded in a angry voice “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.2/5 (732 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes

Millionaire Joke

A fellow walked into a bank in New York City asking for a loan for $4000 dollars. “Well, before we lend you the money we are going to need some kind of security” the bank teller said. “No problem” the man responded here are the keys to my car “you’ll see it, it’s a black Porsche parked in the back of the parking lot.”

A few weeks later the man returned to pay off his loan. While he was paying it up, along with the interest of $11 dollars, the manager came over, “sir, we are very happy to have you’re business, but if you don’t mind me asking, after you left we looked into you and found out that you are a millionaire, why would you need to borrow $4000 dollars?”

“Well, the fellow responded it’s quite simple, where else can I park my car for three weeks in New York for $11 dollars?

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 3.7/5 (422 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes
Advertisements

Witty Alchohol Line

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 3.7/5 (41 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Text Jokes, Witty One Liners

Dont Argue With A Fool

Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.2/5 (80 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Text Jokes, Witty Jokes, Witty One Liners

The Honest Lawyer?

The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest. “I know I am going to die” he said ” and I would like to take my money with me, so I am going to give each of you $150,000 and I want you to each make sure the money gets in the coffin.”

It was a few days after the funeral when the priest over flowing with guilt finally confided to the other two that he only put $100,000 back. “I’m glad you brought it up” said the doctor, “because I have also been feeling guilty, I only put $80,000 back.”

“You people should be ashamed of yourselves” stormed the lawyer “stealing money like that, am I the only honest person here? Here look at this” he said pulling out his check book, “look I wrote out a check for the full $150,000!”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.0/5 (260 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Clever Jokes, Lawyer Jokes, Long Jokes

One Way To Save Money

A man named Marty called his son. “Harry I have news to tell you, I know it’s going to upset you but I have made up my mind and there is nothing you can do about it. I have decided to divorce your mother.” “But dad how can that be “the son asked “you have been married for 40 years, and you always seemed to get along? What happened suddenly?” “Son, I have made up my mind, and I don’t want you to try to convince me out of it.” “OK” the son responded “but promise me you won’t do anything until I come and talk to you in person, and I am going to ask all of the siblings to fly in also.”Alright” said the father hanging up “you have my word. “Well” said Marty, turning to his wife “I got them all to come in and I didn’t even have to pay for the tickets.”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 3.9/5 (156 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes

The Annoying Duck Joke

A duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “do you have any grapes?” “Nope” responded the bartender, “try somewhere else.” The duck walks out and back in, “do you sell grapes?” “I told you already I don’t” responded the bartender, “stop bothering me.” The duck walks back out and then back in again, “stop right where you are” the bartender screams “you ask me again if I have grapes I will take a hammer and nail your feet to the floor.” The duck walks out and then back in again, “do you sell nails?” he asks “No” responded the bartender.” “Do you sell grapes????

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 3.1/5 (214 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes

Cereal Box Joke

One morning I saw my husband in the pantry trying to decide between two different types of cereals. “Maybe you should take half a bowl of each”, I said jokingly. “Wow,” he said with a smile, “you really thing out of the box

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 2.2/5 (199 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Clever Jokes, Funny Puns, Short Jokes

Teachers Gotta Be Smart

There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so please have a seat and take out a piece of paper. “Now for the first question, which tire was flat!

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 3.6/5 (204 votes cast)

share me!

Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes, Teacher Jokes
Advertisements

Categories