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Enjoy our collection of marriage humor, after all that’s what they are here for!

Death Preparation Joke

Barry and Hannah, an old married couple,  are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death etc. “Honey,” says Barry, turning to his wife with a serious expression, “I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to  put an end to it.” “No problem hun,” said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain.

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Posted in Death Humor, Husband Jokes, Old People Jokes

Flower Joke

Harry and Barbra’s marriage has been on the rocks for a while, so when they hear about a marriage seminar being given in their neighborhood they decide to attend. “One of the most important things in marriage”, said the speaker, “is to get to really know your spouse well. For example,” continued the speaker, “How many of you know what’s your wife’s favorite type of flower?” Harry leaned over to Barbara and whispered, “it’s gold medal all-purpose flour isn’t it?”

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Posted in Husband Jokes, Husband Wife Jokes, Marriage Jokes

Joy Of Marriage Joke

Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!

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Rating: 3.3/5 (117 votes cast)

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Posted in Marriage Jokes, One Liners, Wedding Jokes
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Money Joke

Like most women, Sandy loves going shopping, much to her husbands chagrin. “Here take a look at this”, says her husband Tom, shoving the credit card statement in front of her. “You spent $250 at Macy’s, $150 at Nordstrom, $122 at Lord and Taylor, and another $225 at JC Penny. How in the world do you expect me to pay for all of this?” “Well,” answers Sandy, taken aback, “I’ve been accused of many things before, but one thing I am certainly not is inquisitive!”

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Posted in Funny Stories, Relationship Jokes

Phone Number Pick Up Line

I lost my phone number…can i have yours?

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Rating: 3.1/5 (119 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Pick Up Lines

Cute Pick Up Line

If I could re-arrange the letters of the alphabet I would put U and I together!

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Posted in Funny Pick Up Lines

Love Letter Joke

Dear Herbie,
I know it was our joint decision for you to go off to the army for the year, but it’s so hard not having you here. We are married, doesn’t it make sense that we should be together? I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.
Love,
Anne

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Rating: 3.0/5 (217 votes cast)

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Posted in Love Jokes

Bye Bye Joke

My husband said it was him or the cat…I miss him sometimes.

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Posted in Cat Jokes, Husband Jokes

Practice Isn’t Always A Good Sign Joke

I was very happy when an acquaintance of mine informed me that she was engaged. Trying to help, I told her that before my marriage, I went for premarital counseling and found it very helpful. “Oh, we don’t need counseling,” she quickly assured me, “we were both married several times before!”

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Posted in Funny Stories, Wedding Jokes

Who’s Listening Joke

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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Posted in Marriage Jokes
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