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Enjoy our collection of really funny jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

Tie Joke

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. “OH NO!” I thought. “MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn’t there to help me, and for the life of me I did not know how to tie a tie!

I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. “Excuse me sir,” I said to the crossing guard, “I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!”

“Sure” said the guard, “just lie down on this bench.” Well if someone was going to help me I wasn’t going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.

“Well in my previous job I learned how to tie tie’s on other people when they were lying down. He replied.

What was your previous job? I asked incredulously.

“I ran a morg.” Was the reply.

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Posted in Funeral Jokes, Funny Stories, Life Jokes, Work Jokes

Friendly Politician Joke

As a popular local politician I always try to help out whenever I can. So that’s how it came to be that when a fellow came up to me in a hotel lobby the other day and asked me for a small favor I was more then happy to oblige.

“Hi,” said the fellow, introducing himself as Bob Smith. “I’m having a very important business meeting in a few minutes, and it’s very important that I impress them . If you can just come over during our meeting and say hello I would be forever indebted to you!”

So that’s how a few minutes later, I found myself walking over to the fellow with a big smile on my face, “Hi Bob!” I said.

“I barely got the words out of my mouth when Bob looked up with an annoyed expression, “DON’T BOTHER ME NOW CHRIS. CAN’T YOU SEE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT MEETING?!

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Posted in Funny Stories, Life Jokes

Salad Dressing Joke

“You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!” “Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad vith Russian dressing.” “RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY? “Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.” And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.

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Posted in Food Jokes, Funny Stories
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Speed Bump Joke

I have a fear of speed bumps,

But I’m slowly getting over it.

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Posted in Funny Puns

In Honor Of My Mom!

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Posted in Funny Videos

Driving Joke

The one thing that drove me absolutely crazy about my boyfriend Bill was the way he  drove. He would insist on driving in the dead center of a two way intersection, and no matter how much I complained, sulked, and threatened, nothing made a dent.  The only consolation I found was the thought that at least the cars coming towards us, were staying in their lane.  Sure enough, I soon resigned myself to my fate, but I would still cringe all too often while on the road.

Well, the day finally came when I was to meet Bill’s family. We headed to the small hick town that he was from in Pennsylvania, and had a grand ol’ time with his folks. It was when we went out for a drive in the old family pick up that I learned that things could get quite a bit worse. “Don’t worry about my husband’s driving in the center of the road,” said Bill’s mom with a big friendly smile, as we headed onto a two way intersection.  “THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE DOES AROUND HERE!!”

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Posted in Funny Stories, Husband Jokes

Beach Joke

I live in Montreal, and for that reason my children have never been to a beach before. On our first family trip down South we decided one of the first things we were going to do was head to a beach.

As soon as we saw the sand my kids went running off excitedly looking for seashells. “Mom!” screamed my five year old, running towards me with his hands full. “I found hundreds of them right next to each other!”

With that he excitedly opened up his little hands revealing a handful of shells,

not sea shells,

but pistachio nut shells!

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Posted in Cute Jokes, Funny Stories

Cute Rabbit Joke

I was in a pet store picking up some pet food for my dog when I overheard the following conversation. A cute girl peaks over the counter and politely asks the sales representative. “I’m interested in buying a rabbit.” “Oh sure we’ve got lots of rabbits” gushed the motherly sales  representative. “Do you have any specific color in mind? We’ve got some adorable white Bunnies down this isle.” The lady exclaimed.

“Oh” said the cute girl with a wave of her hand, “I really don’t think my boa constrictor would care about what color it is!”

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Posted in Funny Stories

Telemarketer Joke

Listen a job is a job, we all need to find away to put bread on the table don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do.

It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of.

The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day. After some pleasantries  I asked  if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.”

Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”

“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied,  listing off his new number.

I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording.

“Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”

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Posted in Death Jokes, Funny Stories, Office Jokes, Work Jokes

Bad Date Joke

“Hi Sarah, listen I only have a minute.  I’m about to get picked up for a blind date, can you call me in a half hour just in case it’s going bad? Yes? Ok great! We’ll speak.”

Raquel gave herself a quick spray of perfume, checked herself out one more time in the mirror, and headed outside to wait for the guy.

Sure enough after twenty minutes Raquel was  discreetly checking her watch. After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed.

Raquel listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips, and turned to her date, “I feel terrible, but my Grandmother is terribly sick, and I must go home now .”

“No problem!” Said her date with a big grin, “in a few more minutes my dog was going to get run over!”
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Posted in Dating Jokes, Funny Stories, Relationship Jokes
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