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There are studies that show that death is one of man’s biggest fears. It’s no wonder then that there are so many death jokes, because, many people express their fear through jokes. So laugh away. At least on these pages death is nothing to be scared about!

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photo credit: satanoid

Last Wish Joke

Anne was on her deathbed breathing her last. “Anne”, said Anne’s husband Jim. “Please, please,tell me, is there anything I can do for you?” “Well” croaked Anne, “There is something. After I die, it would mean so much to me if you would marry my best friend Sandra.” “You have nothing to worry about Anne” said Jim taking her hand, “I’ve been thinking about that for a while now already.”

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Posted in Death Jokes

Deathbed Joke

Edward was lying on his deathbed and the family was taking turns spending time with him. As he was speaking to his young granddaughter Emily, Edward suddenly smelled an all too familiar smell. Why it was his favorite – apple pie! His wife Sandy must have been baking it for him to enjoy this one last time. “Emily dear,” asked Edward. “Would you please go ask Grandma for a slice of that Apple Pie? It’s smells so delicious!” Emily ran off to fulfill her dying Grandfather’s last wish. A moment later, Emily returned empty handed. “Where’s my pie?” questioned Edward. “Grandma said it’s not for now” responded Emily, “it’s for the funeral”.

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Posted in Death Jokes

Woops Sorry About That

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it.
The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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Posted in Death Humor, Death Jokes, Funeral Jokes, Funny Speech Openers, Good Jokes, Long Jokes
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The Execution Joke

Three men, a Frenchman, an Italian, and a Jew, were condemned to be executed. Their captors told them that they had the right to have a final meal before the execution. They asked the Frenchman what he wanted.
“Give me some good French wine and French bread,” he requested. So they gave it to him, he ate it, and then they executed him.
Next it was the Italian’s turn. Give me a big plate of pasta,” said the Italian. So they brought it to him, he ate it, and then they executed him.
Now it was the Jew’s turn. “I want a big bowl of strawberries, ” said the Jew.
“Strawberries!!! They aren’t even in season!”
“So, I’ll wait…”

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Posted in Death Jokes, Jewish Jokes, Long Jokes
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