Q. What drink can’t freeze?
A. Hot Water.
Cannibal Wife- Honey, why did you think I wanted a subscription to People Magazine?
Husband- Oh I’m sorry dear I thought it was a cookbook.
photo credit: Thoth, God of Knowledge
Q. Why did the clown go to the doctor.
A. He was feeling a little funny.
Client- What should I do my cat ate a bag of unpopped popcorn.
Vet- Keep him out of the sun!
Photo credit: Yukari*
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Photo credit: DerrickT
Once two ladies came before King Solomon, fighting over a boy. “He’s my son-in law” one said “No he’s mine” countered the other. After thinking for a few minutes the King finally decided on a ruling. “Bring me my sword and we will cut the boy in half, they will each get half.” “No” the first lady screamed “don’t cut him in half I would rather the second lady get the whole son-in-law.” Ah Hah said King Solomon with a big smile I now know who is the real mother-in-law. For a only the real mother-in-law would stand quietly while her son-in-law gets cut in half.”
A Drunk climbs on a bar stool in a bar and screams “All lawyers are sneaky thieves.” A man stands up and says “Hey, I resent that remark.”
The drunk shouts back “Why, are you a lawyer?” “No”, says the man “I’m a sneaky thief.”
photo credit: ttarasiuk
Two old ladies were discussing their husbands over tea. “I wish that my Robert would stop biting his nails. It gets me very upset.
“My Calvin used to do the same thing,” the older woman replied. “But I broke him of the habit.”
“How?” the first women asked
“I hid his teeth.”