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Enjoy our collection of long jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

The Real Secret To A Happy Marriage

Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow” the leader gushed “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay married to the same woman for so long. “Well,” Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips…………. and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” “Well that’s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us” the lady said “maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary” she said with a smile “Well” Jerry said “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.”

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Posted in Husband Jokes, Long Jokes

Used Clothing Joke

Always trying to save money, I often buy clothing for my kids from the garage sales. Recently, I purchased a new shirt from JC Penny for my 6 year old and was wondering why she was reluctant to wear it the next day. After asking her she responded,
“Oh, the store has their own washing machine… that’s why we don’t have to wash it first?!”

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Posted in Cute Jokes, Garage Sale Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Long Jokes

The Bar Joke

A man walks into a bar obviously stone drunk, and asks for a drink. Sorry the bartender but you obviously already had a little to much to drink. Fuming mad the drunk walks out the front door and walks into the side door. “Can I have a drink please.” “Sorry” the bartender says “but you can’t have a drink here.” The drink walks out and goes in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink.” “Enough!” The bartender screamed “I told You No Drinks!” The Drunk looks at the bartender closely and exclaimed “Darn! how many bars you work at.”

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Posted in Bar Jokes, Long Jokes
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Men? Fathers?

A couple had their first baby. After a week or so the mother thought she could use a break and went shopping leaving the little baby with the proud father. It was only a short while before the baby started to cry. The perplexed father tried all of the tricks that he remembered his wife doing but to no avail. Finally after a half hour in desperation he went to the doctor. After checking all of the regular things the doctor discovered it was just a dirty diaper.
“I don’t understand “the perplexed father said “I knew it was dirty, but the diaper package said specifically that it was good up to 8 pounds!”

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Posted in Long Jokes, Men Jokes

The Real Mother-In-Law

Once two ladies came before King Solomon, fighting over a boy. “He’s my son-in law” one said “No he’s mine” countered the other. After thinking for a few minutes the King finally decided on a ruling. “Bring me my sword and we will cut the boy in half, they will each get half.” “No” the first lady screamed “don’t cut him in half I would rather the second lady get the whole son-in-law.” Ah Hah said King Solomon with a big smile I now know who is the real mother-in-law. For a only the real mother-in-law would stand quietly while her son-in-law gets cut in half.”

 

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Posted in Jewish Jokes, Long Jokes, Mother In Law Jokes Tagged with:

Pregenant?

A lady went to a doctor’s office where she was seen by a Doctor. A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room, and then the lady burst out of the room as if running for her life. After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough to tell her story. The nurse barged into the office of the Doctor and screamed, “shame on you, Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she’s pregnant.” The Doctor continued writing calmly and barely looking up said, “does she still have the hiccups?”

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Posted in Doctor Jokes, Long Jokes

Heaven Joke

A man died and went to The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God,  I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the  ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”

“Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago,” came the reply.

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Posted in Good Jokes, Heaven Jokes, Long Jokes

Teachers Gotta Be Smart

There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so please have a seat and take out a piece of paper. “Now for the first question, which tire was flat!

 

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Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes, Teacher Jokes

Memory Problems Joke

A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time. One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife. “Really?”, one of the men said, what’s it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?” “Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned. “Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed. Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”

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Rating: 4.0/5 (529 votes cast)

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Posted in Good Jokes, Long Jokes, Old People Jokes

Outhouse Joke

A man gathered all of his children together and said “Children when George Washington knocked down the cherry tree, he told his father honestly that it was him , now answer me honestly, Who knocked down the outhouse? Finally the youngest son admitted it was him, at which he received a lashing he wouldn’t soon forget. “Thats not fair” complained the son, “George Washington didn’t get punished when he told the truth.”

“Son” replied the Father “The difference is, that George Washington’s  father wasn’t in the tree when he knocked it down!”

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Posted in Funny Stories, Long Jokes
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