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Enjoy our collection of long jokes, after all that’s what they are here for!

Blind Man Joke

Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t” responded John, “don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.”

Aah that sign,” said Jim “don’t worry about it” and taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walked up to the door. As he tried walking into the restaurant he got stopped at the door, “sorry no pets allowed.” Can’t you see” said Jim “I am blind, this is my seeing eye dog.”

But it’s a doberman pincher, who uses a doberman pincher as a seeing eye dog?” the man asked “Oh,” Jim responded “you must have not heard, this is the latest type of seeing eye dog, they do a very good job.”

Seeing that it worked, John tried walking in with his Chihuahua. Even before he could open his mouth, the doorman said “don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of seeing eye dog.”

Thinking quickly John responded in a angry voice “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”

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Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes

Millionaire Joke

A fellow walked into a bank in New York City asking for a loan for $4000 dollars. “Well, before we lend you the money we are going to need some kind of security” the bank teller said. “No problem” the man responded here are the keys to my car “you’ll see it, it’s a black Porsche parked in the back of the parking lot.”

A few weeks later the man returned to pay off his loan. While he was paying it up, along with the interest of $11 dollars, the manager came over, “sir, we are very happy to have you’re business, but if you don’t mind me asking, after you left we looked into you and found out that you are a millionaire, why would you need to borrow $4000 dollars?”

“Well, the fellow responded it’s quite simple, where else can I park my car for three weeks in New York for $11 dollars?

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Posted in Clever Jokes, Long Jokes

Who Is The Real Boss?

The Boss of our small company was complaining during a staff meeting that people didn’t respect him enough. Trying to change the attitude in the office he came in the next day with a sign for his door it said, “I am the boss”.

One of the employees apparently not appreciating the change posted a post-a-note on the sign it said “your wife wants her sign back”

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Posted in Long Jokes, Office Jokes
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College? Study?

After sending our son away to college, he would often [to often] call up asking for money. One time when he called my husband answered, “sure we will send you money” he said, “and I also noticed that you left your Physics book here, should we send that also?” “Uh, oh yeah, OK,” he responded. I asked him afterward how much he sent up “$1,100” he said. When I gave him a surprised look, he explained, “Don’t worry, I taped a $100 check on the cover, and the other $1000 check inside the cover!

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Rating: 2.4/5 (256 votes cast)

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Posted in College Jokes, Long Jokes

Old Age Joke

An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.” “That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor. “Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”

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Rating: 3.7/5 (234 votes cast)

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Posted in Long Jokes, Medical Jokes

Iron Joke

A blond man entered the emergency room with his two ears burned. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “Well”, the man explained, “my wife was ironing clothing, behind my chair while I was watching TV. She put down the iron next to the phone and when the phone rang I answered the iron.”

“Wow that is terrible” responded the doctor, and what happened to your other ear?”

“Well” the blond guy responded “Right afterwards, the phone rang again!”

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Rating: 3.6/5 (239 votes cast)

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Posted in Blonde Jokes, Hospital Jokes, Long Jokes

The Missing Boots

As part of my job as a preschool teacher I have to help the children put on their coats and boots. One day when school was over and the children were getting ready to leave, one child came over to me in tears “my boots are missing” she wailed. “they are in the corner” I said pointing to her boots. “Those are not mine!” she said, stamping her foot, “MINE HAD SNOW ON THEM!”

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Rating: 3.6/5 (97 votes cast)

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Posted in Cute Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Long Jokes

Immigrant Joke

An immigrant from Poland who was married to an American barged into the police station out of breath. “My wife, she try to kill me” he stammered. “Are you absolutely sure?” questioned the police officer. “Of course I sure” he countered insulted “you think I dumb, look what I found in her purse” he said pulling a bottle out of his pocket, “look it says polish remover!”

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Rating: 3.6/5 (114 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Long Jokes

Mean Boss Joke

The CEO of a large company was walking to the cafeteria along with two of his secretaries. Upon tripping on a bottle, a genie appeared and asked the threesome if they would like to each make a wish.

The first secretary excitedly exclaimed, “I wish I was on a beach in a tropical island!” Immediately her wish was granted.

The next secretary proclaimed, “I wish I was on a tour of France!” Immediately her wish too, was granted.

Being that it was now his turn to make a wish the CEO exclaimed “I want the two of them back in their offices right after lunch!”

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Rating: 3.6/5 (188 votes cast)

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Posted in Boss Jokes, Genie Jokes, Long Jokes

Kids Fears Joke

I live in Canada, a plane ride away from my family, so I was very excited to inform my twin 3 year olds that we were going to go on a plane to see my family. It was after a few days that it struck me that they seemed nervous about it. After talking it over with them I finally figured out the problem. They thought they would each have to fly on a separate plane by themselves. How else would we all fit into one of those tiny planes that fly in the sky?

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Rating: 3.2/5 (109 votes cast)

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Posted in Cute Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Long Jokes
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