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Enjoy our collection of funny stories, after all that’s what they are here for!

LOL Joke

John angrily looked at the text he had just received from his Mom.  It read: “Professor called to say you failed the course.  LOL.  Mom. ”  How could he have failed?! … And all his Mom has to say is that she’s Laughing Out Loud?!  Fed up, he text-ed his Mom: “What was up with the LOL?”  his text said.   “I just wanted to send you Lot’s Of Love because I know how disappointed you must be.”

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Rating: 3.2/5 (295 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Old People Jokes, Women Jokes

Grandmother Joke

It was Timmy’s 5th birthday and he was joyfully opening all the presents he received. He saved the biggest for last, so it took a while until he got to opening Grandma’s present. “Wow” Timmy exclaimed in delight, upon seeing the mini drum set that his Grandmother got for him. “Thanks Grandma this is just what I wanted.” It was after Timmy went to bed that Timmy’s mother approached her mother. “Ma, I’m surprised at you, don’t you remember how it used to drive you crazy when we used to play the drums in the house growing up?” Grandma smiled and then said “I remember, of course I remember.”

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Rating: 3.7/5 (184 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories

Misunderstanding Joke

Mrs. Green lived in two story house together with an elderly widow. After not hearing from her for a few days, she got a bit nervous. “John”, she called to her son “do me a favor and go find out how old Mrs. Robinson is.” So six year old John went down the stairs and knocked on Mrs. Robinson’s door. “So how is she?” asked Mrs. Green when John came back up. “How is she?” repeated John “I’ve never seen her so mad in my life, she said it’s none of your business how old she is.”

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Rating: 3.2/5 (206 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Little Johnny Jokes, Senior Jokes

Crazy Drunk Joke

Jeff was fast asleep in his at bed at 3:00 am when he heard an urgent knocking at the door. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he made his way to the door. “Can you give me a push”, asked the man at the door.” Jeff looked at the man, thinking he looked a bit drunk, slammed the door in his face and went back to bed. “Shame on you”, said his wife Sally, when hearing the story. “You remember on our vacation how our car got stuck in the middle of the night and that man helped us, go out there and push his car.” So Jeff trudges back out of bed, opens the door, and calls out “Ok I’m here to give you a push, where are you?” I’m over here in the back” came the voice “on the swing.”

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Rating: 3.6/5 (186 votes cast)

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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Funny Stories

Money Joke

Like most women, Sandy loves going shopping, much to her husbands chagrin. “Here take a look at this”, says her husband Tom, shoving the credit card statement in front of her. “You spent $250 at Macy’s, $150 at Nordstrom, $122 at Lord and Taylor, and another $225 at JC Penny. How in the world do you expect me to pay for all of this?” “Well,” answers Sandy, taken aback, “I’ve been accused of many things before, but one thing I am certainly not is inquisitive!”

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Rating: 1.9/5 (81 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Relationship Jokes

Nervous Dad Joke

“Just relax”, the hospital staff kept telling Jim, but it was to no avail. Jim’s wife was in labor and Jim was a nervous wreck. After what seemed like a week, to both Jim and the hospital staff, a nurse came out with the happy news, “it’s a girl”, she cried. “Thank God, a girl”, said Jim, “at least she won’t have to go through what I just went through!”

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Rating: 3.4/5 (172 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Hospital Jokes

Hearing Aid Joke

While working in a post office, a lady barged in complaining that she got home to find a note from the mail man saying that he tried to deliver a package but nobody was home. “My husband was home all day!”, she fumed. After giving her the package I heard her tell somebody “Oh, I’m so excited, my husbands new hearing aids!”

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Rating: 3.1/5 (79 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Work Jokes

Getting Old Joke

Recently divorced, I moved back to my home town hoping to start over again. A few weeks later, while making a dentist appointment, I was surprised to see I recognized the dentist’s name as a good looking boy from my high school 20 years ago. However, upon walking into the dentist’s office, I quickly realized he must be someone else. He was bald, had a big beer belly, and looked a lot older than me. Just to be sure though, on my way out I asked him if he went to the high school that I had attended. “Yeah”, he responded, “I graduated in 91.” “Oh my gosh”, I excitedly said “you were in my class.” “Really”, he said that’s interesting, “what class did you teach?”

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Rating: 3.8/5 (138 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, School Jokes

Drunk Driving Joke

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a  breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”

“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”

“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

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Rating: 4.1/5 (697 votes cast)

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Posted in Drunk Jokes, Funny Stories, Long Jokes, Police Jokes

Adoption Joke

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.”
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.”
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

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Rating: 2.6/5 (663 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Stories, Long Jokes
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