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Although it is not necessarily true with other jokes, it’s quite clear that the popularity of marriage jokes stems mostly from nervous men who are uneasy about making a commitment. Apparently, joking about how bad marriage is helps ease some of the queasiness. So by all means; men, please laugh with our collection of marriage jokes, marriage puns, and marriage quotes.If you’re nervous ,we hope it helps. If you’re a lady or a chilled man who just wants a good laugh please enjoy, you won’t be disappointed.

photo credit: BaylorBear78

Can You Hear Me??????

An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “honey whats for supper?
She replies “For the fourth time it’s lasagna!”

 

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Rating: 4.2/5 (1116 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Speech Openers, Good Jokes, Husband Jokes, Long Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Old People Jokes

Thoughts On Getting Married

Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.

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Rating: 3.4/5 (43 votes cast)

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Posted in Funny Sayings, Funny Thoughts, Marriage Jokes

Who’s Wearing The Pants?

A man died and went up to heaven. Upon arriving he noticed two signs One said “Men Who Are Bossed By Their wives,” the other one said “Men Not Bossed By Their Wives.” After closer inspection he noticed that while next to the first sign was a big line, by the second sign there was just one man. After getting even closer he realized it was his friend Harry. “Hey Harry” the man questioned “what in the world are you doing here? Your wife bosses you around more then anybody.” “I don’t know” Harry replied “my wife told me to stand here.”

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Rating: 4.0/5 (105 votes cast)

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Posted in Long Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Relationship Jokes, Women Jokes
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Happiness In Marriage?

“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”

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Rating: 4.3/5 (15 votes cast)

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Posted in Marriage Jokes

Happy? Married?

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

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Rating: 3.2/5 (25 votes cast)

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Posted in Marriage Jokes

A Marriage Cynic

A study was done where it was discovered that married people live longer…………………………….. then they discovered it just feels longer!

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Rating: 3.2/5 (20 votes cast)

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Posted in Marriage Jokes
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